All of us are a product of two forces that have a tremendous influence on our adult lives. One is our family of origin and the other our life experiences. I call them forces because these influences result in our developing patterns that help us to adapt or cope to life as we move from childhood to adulthood. Many of these patterns are positive and helpful in our leading positive, healthy and happy lives. Others may be useful at certain points in time but become problematic in our adult lives and get in the way of the particular stage of development we find ourselves into.

As we mature, these problematic patterns dont always follow suite and mature along with our chronological, social and emotional development. Because weve become accustomed and even comfortable with them, we continue to practice them because thats all we really know. An example might be the manner in which we learned to have a good time during our adolescence and early adult years. Our good times may have consisted of drinking which allowed us to become someone who we wouldnt display otherwise. It was a way of letting our hair down and our changed behavior was excusable and usually acceptable to ourselves and others.

As we move into our twilight years, it seems that the rules have changed. Our minds can continue to embrace and justify the continuation of certain patterns but these also form our reputation which ultimately may not be to our liking. People who truly care about us may help us to become aware and change those patterns. Being receptive to those suggestions makes those changes much easier. Our resistance complicates the adjustment. Its simply a matter of choice.

Charles Bonasera

Charles M. Bonasera had been a practicing psychotherapist since 1962 and has served as a Consultant, Mediator, Author and Workshop Presenter since 2003. Based on years of extensive research he became a Stress Management expert and founded/ directed the Stress Management Center which evaluated and treated stress-related problems. As President of Personal Identity Controls, he developed and produced a number of interactive materials on various stress-related topics to enable people to take greater control their lives.Charles produced the CD/workbook entitled ?Guide To A Life Management Process? which helps people recognize and manage their stress more effectively. His Workshops and consultations with businesses, corporations and schools, stresses the recognition that our greatest resource is people and treating them with dignity and respect promotes productivity. His role as a keynote speaker mixes his professional wisdom with practical solutions and a sense of humor.

Based on his previous experience as an evaluator of learning disabilities, he began rendering Workshops to school districts in 1995. His goal was to help educators recognize the importance of incorporating principles of mental health in the classroom. His Workshop and Consulting roles dealt with issues such as anger and stress management, developing reasonable expectations, belligerent behavior, case study workshops, parent-teacher relationships, reducing anxiety to facilitate the learning process, problem solving techniques and the practical components of healthy, happy relationships. Many of these same topics were incorporated into general audience workshops as well.

Charles? methods center around helping people develop ?alternative ways to happiness.? His problem-solving techniques are practical and interactive enabling people to make their own choices in their own individual style and time-frame.. His approach clearly embodies the philosophy that ?the greatest learning we experience is when we don?t know we?re learning and are having fun? and that learning is both an intellectual and emotional process.