Sesame Street must exist in an alternate universe. I recently asked a fellow, "Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, where the air is sweet?" He gazed at me rather curiously and quickly walked away. I searched today, but couldn't find Sesame Street on Google Earth or MapQuest. I would like to find this wondrous street, and perhaps live there even as a homeless man. I would very much like to live in a place where it's sunny every day and be able to bask in the cool shade next to Oscar's trash can.

I yearn for cookies. I feel as if I'm destined to live in a world (or on a street) where gluttony is an acceptable practice -- a street where Cookie Monster, not Diet Pill Monster, is a renowned icon. A safe street which is routinely patrolled by Super Grover would give me the security I require to sleep well at night, and the comfort to take frequent naps during the sunny daylight hours. I have fantasies at night about using the free email hosting enjoyed by Elmo, never having to worry about spam, nor malicious trojans. I'm almost hypnotically drawn to a neighborhood where there is a big bird, but never a big turd.

I have dreams of feeling sheltered in a neighborhood which is devoid of junkies, pimps, and antidpressant pushers. Pausing for a moment, I'll admit that somewhere in this spacious universe there may be a Sesame Street West where puppets, muppets, and their human caretakers are struggling to survive in a cold, callous world. A dark street where every other light is burnt out may exist on Sesame Street West. On such a street, I can envision drive-by shootings being commonplace, where gum and kool-aid are viciously shot at defenseless muppets using slingshots and supersoakers. Upon that street in the West Side are extremely poor muppets who don't have the financial ability to afford high-quality carpet cleaners to bathe with after being victims of the latter-stated gum and kool-aid attacks. In the West, a big bird will restrict himself to being friends with only another big bird and never a snuffleupagus -- a big bird whose heart isn't blind to the appearance of other muppets. This is the dreary avenue where muppets will kill other muppets for having religious or political beliefs not matching their own.

As a constituent, I would demand a street where shop keepers would not behave like crazed vigilantes; they would call the police when I shoplift instead of violently attempting to retard my life using a semi-automatic weapon. I hope to one day walk down a street where capitalism is not confused with exploitation, and where shop keepers will act in a proper fashion. I have a dream to walk hand-in-hand with muppets everywhere, singing gaily to upbeat music, dancing merrily along a clean street -- a dream where even a grouch who chooses to reside in a trashcan is not a complete outcast. In the interim, I will retain my optimism, and search for other dreams while napping occasionally.