Let's take the burning issue of curfew and apply the 6 step management approach for parenting teenagers.

Enough rope to grow yourself

A solution that works for many families, and that meets the six criteria of management vs. control, is what I call the "enough rope to grow yourself" solution.

In this solution, the parents choose a starting point for curfew, maybe 10 p.m. If the teen is able to keep that curfew (not even five or 10 minutes late, because 5 minutes can quickly turn into 20 minutes) for a certain period of time, let's say six months, then the curfew can be extended an additional 15 or 30 minutes. If at any time during the six month period the teen breaks curfew, the six-month period begins all over again.

The numbers here are just for example. You can of course change them to fit your own situation.

The 6 criteria

Checking this out with our criteria for managing teenagers, we see that the parents are clearly in charge, the teen has a way to earn more responsibility and trust, the parents have a way to monitor progress, consequences are clear, and there is a map for rebuilding trust and responsibility when it is damaged.

The passage of adolescence can be difficult enough without a never-ending power struggle for control.

Taking a management approach can go a long way toward helping parents work themselves out of a job and helping the teenager grow into a well-functioning young adult.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com