Its no secret that school settings are ripe for bullying to occur. And so much attention is focused on the victim of bullying, its become common to address the symptom rather than the source. So what do you do if you suspect, or know, that your child is the one causing the angst? Is your tendency to overlook the situation, thinking it will work itself out? Have you tried to curb the behavior with little or no result? If you take Adlerian psychology seriously, then youre familiar with the idea that there is always a reason for behavior, or as Adler outlined it, goals of misbehavior. Alfred Adler's ideas about children's goal-directed behavior were subsequently popularized by Erwin Wexberg, Rudolf Dreikurs, and Vicki Soltz, and are now used widely when trying to make heads or tails of someones actions. One of the most basic and helpful tools for parents, the goals of misbehavior can guide you to determine if your child exhibits signs of bullying, and how to address it. Any misbehavior quite easily can fit all four areas that Adler details, but most obviously, bullying fits the goal of revenge. When people express themselves through the use of revenge, the recipients of this misbehavior will feel hurt or attacked and often times frightened. This goes for family, peers, anyone that is within the target radar. And although this type of behavior can be the most challenging to approach (its one of the reasons the focus is often on empowering the victim!), its no more difficult than any other once you learn to remove any feelings of it being personal. As a parent, a tendency is to ignore it, lest your parenting be under attack. Whether or not parenting is the issue, its crucial that, as the parent, you work at understanding what the child is reacting to in their environment: its not about you at this point. Its about guiding the child to a more productive way of operating. You are your childs advocate. In order for you to fully engage in that role, its important to have your eyes wide open and have a high level of self-awareness. In this era of personal development and heightened awareness, turning a blind eye or claiming ignorance are no longer valid approaches to bullying or extortion. Simplifications of these theories abound, but it takes a thorough understanding of how to implement the strategies for sustainable results. A trained coach or counselor can help immensely. |
